After waiting for an answer since my trial with Brunel, I finally know today, that no, I will not be going back to sail with the team again, I am not required…
It is a strange mix of emotions… On one hand, I have pushed hard this last year to get myself in contention – chasing big boat opportunities, going hard in the gym (and at the eating), studying and getting my RYA Yachtsmaster and succeeding in a way when I did get myself a trial. Where I at least go to find out what sailing these boats is like, and how it is to be in such a team, even if only for a few weeks. So to ‘fail’ at something like this – is a bit hard. I am not someone that takes not achieving lightly.
However, on the flip side, I am also actually ok, I am still not entirely convinced that trying to do the race was the right idea for me, I often found myself more frustrated with it all than loving it. I don’t know if that was the scenarios I was in, the fact that it was pretty brutal coastal racing rather than real offshore, or just not quite right for me.
So now, one door closes, one I fought hard for a year to open, but where it closes, another one opens. Maybe the next door will really feel like its perfect for me, or maybe I will just keep searching for a while longer… We will see.
I moved over here to Holland in March to chase this idea (and spend some time with PJ), deliberately keeping my schedule open and free just in case any opportunities came up. It has not been easy, that much uncertainty, keeping my future as a blank page. So… Now, I have the opportunity to fill in a few things, to take some different directions and see where I end up.
I finish this a little randomly with this view 🙂 Just because it always makes me happy no matter where in the world I am!