Happy to have closed out 2017, it was a rollercoaster year for me, highs and lows and huge amounts of uncertainty and eventually change… I feel now that 2018 is a chance for a new blank page, to start from where I am now and to see what I can build, where I can grow in this next year.
I made the most of my Xmas & New Year work shutdown to take my negative leave 🙂 and head over to Europe to see PJ for two weeks (minus 3 days of flying… NZ really is a long way from Holland!). We had Christmas in Terkaple, PJ’s home town, with his family – my first cold Christmas and a truly beautiful day. Then we took off for even colder climates driving down to Saalfeden in Austria, to go snowboarding at Saalbach/Hinterglemm for four days. Brilliant fun!! My first euro winter experience and I already want to do it again!
I have snowboarded before, but I seemed to have forgotten most of my skills and started from scratch again. To be doing something at a lower level than what I expect brought out some rather strong frustrations in me… I can do grumpy quite well when I am not meeting my own expectations of myself and my skills!
But the frustration did get me thinking, that maybe the big difference right now is that I am just not actually doing anything day to day that I feel good at. I have always gathered a lot of my satisfaction from doing things well, using real deep expertise in the course of a day – sailing in general, but also a lot of my cross training back when I was actually in good shape.
The last few months, I have been taking my satisfaction from other things, like running the stairs at the beach before work, stopping to just take in the scenery, making a nice meal, seeing friends. All great things, but not satisfaction related to the level of my own abilities.
I have so much to learn at work that I feel it will be quite some time before I can take that expert feeling from my work day. And I have noticed that I seem to have a rather shorter fuse than I used to for ‘failing to do something well’. So what to do about it? Well, I have at least noticed, so that’s the first step…
I guess it’s hard to think of a way to feel that confidence in my daily life when I’m just not doing something I really know how to do as yet! Hopefully it will come, and I guess in the mean time, I need to make sure I still use a few of those skills that I know I have, keeping more in touch with my sailing side. I still don’t feel any inclination to get back out on the water just yet, but I can at least do a few things around the perimeter, give back some of my knowledge and expertise to those who can use it…
Time moves quickly and my trip is already coming to an end, it is time to head back to NZ, back to summer, back to work. It’s often hard at times like this, when I see people I know all over the world, sailing in the Volvo Ocean Race, traveling, training, competing, and I think ‘huh, I’m just heading back to work’… that’s it. No world level events to take on, no grand ambitions, completely out of the public eye, just heading to work every day as is now my life…
A side note – It does make me notice just how un-useful social media can be. No one posts about the shit times, or the realities of life… Facebook is really just a ‘good times filter’ and it is far to easy to simply compare yourself and your life to everyone else… We do have to remember that there is a filter effect, and try to drop that desire to compare. Try instead to compare yesterday to today, and decide what can we change or work on to make tomorrow even better 🙂
So, from here I choose to take the positive route – It’s actually pretty amazing when I think about it. I have done the same things for the last thirteen years, I always knew what to expect from the year ahead. This year, 2018. It’s all different, I really don’t know how it will go!
And what is life without some unknowns, to have unknowns is to have no ceiling to how great life can be (also no floor, but I will hope to stay on the positive side).
It’s time to see what ‘normal life’ is like, keep learning and growing at work, take some holidays – Already planning to learn to ski so I can make the most of kiwi winter and finally head to Queenstown! (I am a bit over sitting in the snow adjusting my bindings on the snowboard, so will try the skiing thing instead) maybe a kite trip to the Cook Islands, or a tour of Vietnam… So many options to do the things I always put off because of sailing and the whole ‘obsession to the perfection of a program’.
I’m very curious to see where this year goes, in one years time, how will I look back on 2018. Different – yes, challenging – yes, and so many more things that I haven’t even considered yet – That is the beauty of the journey…
Bring on 2018.